K is for Kindness


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Last week I signed up to Michael Neill’s ‘Creating The Impossible’ 2017, a programme where you approach a project that you think has less than 20% of success within 90 days. I started work on a book 18 months ago and decided it would be a challenge to see if I could complete it within the 90 days. Initially, I was excited then I spent a few days overthinking it, which led to pretty much zero productivity. Yesterday I was feeling low about the project and wondering how I could continue. I knew I needed to get out of my own way, let it go somehow and then see what happens. Somehow, when I woke this morning there was a shift in energy and my perspective on it all. I stopped beating myself up and put the metaphorical hammer down.

Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is to let ourselves off the hook, knowing that we are all doing our best in any given moment. In letting go of expectations of ourselves, there is more space for creativity, new inspiration and fresh ideas to emerge out of that space.

So here’s to being kind to others, but first and foremost here’s to being kind to ourselves first.

It really does start here …

With love,

Amanda

A is for addiction ..

A is for addiction.

What is it that keeps us doing it. Whatever that is for you. Cravings. Giving in to that feeling. A sense of ugency as if you’re life won’t be complete without doing it.

Where does that feeling come from? It all comes from thought. Which even produces a physiological response in the body.

What if all that thought around that habit just fell away. Am I making it sound too easy?

It can be easy, as I discovered this year. My thinking around smoking just fell away. So much so that when I started AGAIN I thought the habit would fall away easily again.

Wrong.

Not so easy this time.

Once your on the ‘train of thought’ .. Actually picture an old steam puffing along. One puff & you are on the train, which needs more puffs & plumes of smoke to keep it going.

What if you just didn’t step on the train today. Just today.

A friend surprised me the other week. She said “it’s running, or the fags.”

That’s her treat to herself. Time alone. Something just for you.

We can be addicted to anything sex, money, food, chocolate, drugs …

What is it for you? You don’t have to be addicted to something by the way.

If you want to talk further about issues raised .. Call Amanda 07763 566710 or email me amandathomas70@btinternet.com

Amanda

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What Are We Teaching Our Kids?

My daughter has been unhappy at school the past couple of weeks.

Lots of stuff going on.

New school.

New friendship groups.

Different set up.

It’s been a lot to handle for a just turned 7 year old.

It is causing ‘bad’ behaviour at home.

Cheekiness. Rudeness.

The general kick back (I think) that most parents experience.

She has gone from being really confident and enthusiastic about school.

→ To complaining of a sore stomach and not wanting to go to school.

Thankfully that episode is over.

In this situation what do YOU do?

Well we usually call a friend who is also a life coach and she comes into to coach the WHOLE family. It usually starts with us, the parents who should know better. But usually don’t!

What does family coaching do for us?

  • It brings us all together so we realise we are on the same side
  • We look at what is working in the family
  • AND what isn’t working
  • This includes behaviour
  • Communication (the way we speak to each other)
  • Finding better ways of doings things like routines
  • It makes us happier
  • As a family, we get more connected

We also wrote to the school who are responding really positively.

There seems to be a culture of it being ok to be cheeky and answer back.

And EVEN, that this is the revered behaviour.

Is this what we want for our kids?

I don’t.

We also talked to her about the art of NOT taking things personally. My partner had a great analogy by saying if someone throws something at you – she used the image of a frisbee. If you catch it – it’s your’s or on you. But if you don’t want it, how to duck and dive metaphorically so that it doesn’t land on you.

For now. She is happier.

How do YOU hold your children accountable?

I am really curious!

Amanda

 

athomas Parenting

Beyond Thought

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I am on the first day of a 5 day retreat through Innate Wellbeing and I have to say IT’S BLISS!!!

The lead up to it was DEFINITELY NOT!

It’s the first time myself and my partner have both been away from our daughter in the 7 years she has been around.

I was frantically trying to think of all the things I would need to think about for her whilst being away.

The day before I came my daughter actually said “you don’t need to worry about me Mum.”

How insightful, I thought.

During training this morning I literally bathed in the words of Dr. Dicken Bettinger as he talked about how we attach so much to our thinking. So much so that our beliefs are built up around that and our personality + if we react to our thinking = behaviour.

He conjured this lovely image to explain how our minds work. Your mind is like a blank sky and all the thoughts that run through it are like birds that float across the sky. Sometimes there’s loads of birds when there’s a “thought storm”, sometimes it’s clearer and maybe there’s just one bird in the sky.

Whatever the picture. We are not our thoughts. And once we can get beyond that. Under Stand That then we can stand under our thoughts and appreciate ourselves and our lives more.

This is the paradox of life. It’s all an illusion. Yet we attach SO much to it. Our ego can take over all the time.

So, as Rudi Kennard succinctly put it … Once you get past that: by ignoring your experience of your thoughts, by getting past your personality of whatever that is for you…

Whether you think you are insecure, not good enough, a good artist, a not so good writer, an angry person sometimes… Whatever it is for YOU….

It allows for more peace of mind, more open heartedness and more best bits. Or at least you can enjoy the not so good bits. Realise that it will pass and make room for something else.

We attach so much to our personal thinking. It defines who we are. Who we think we are. Therein lies the paradox.

Letting go of our personal thinking creates space for a recharge. A restart.

Love that! Hit the refresh button.

Have a great week,

Amanda

Don’t sweat the small stuff

It’s been a stressful and scary week. My daughter has had a nasty virus that involved 3 days of very high fever. Followed by breaking out in loads of mouth ulcers. She spent today signing and grunting because she literally couldn’t speak as her tongue is too swollen.

If you have kids, its part of the territory. I bumped into a Mum at Tesco’s last week with 3 kids all poorly at the same time. I thought it was tough with just one.

It has been rough for lots of reasons. A big one is that I have felt like a bad Mom, too impatient, not compassionate enough. The reality is that when you are dog tired, have had three sleepless nights in a row you are bound to be a little more cranky than usual.

I found it very frustrating that during the high fever moments I just couldn’t do anything. There are things I know to do to reduce fever as a practitioner. But, what do you do when your child won’t let you practice your expertise? I tried to sneak a plaster (with an even sneakier teensy needle) on her while she slept. Nothing gets past this kid. She woke up straight away!!!!!!

What did I learn this week?

Christ! Whilst doing the ironing I had an almost epiphany. We can spend a lot of time moaning at our kids for all the things you want them to do or do differently.

One of my pet hates is when my daughter wants to dress inappropriately. You can picture the scene. It’s freezing outside and they appear in a dress that you know is clearly meant for summer. It pushes your buttons big time, for the zillionth time as you repeat yourself that its too cold. Blah, blah, blah.

Well as I ironed one of the ‘inappropriate’ items. I actually just yearned to see her running around in it. Even if it is too cold.

It reminded me of a great friend’s advice one time.  Whatever you do, DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!

In the moment, it always seems important. In the grand scheme of things, it rarely is. Eat your dinner. Do your coat up. Put your hat on. The list is endless.

Do you sweat the small stuff ? Care to share?

 

 

 

 

Feeling the love

Do you celebrate Valentine’s Day?

Ok the cynics amongst us are probably saying. “Another day for Hallmark. It’s just another day to make some money.”

Ok maybe it is. Whether you buy into it or not it’s still there. How to get past all the commercial bull***t and just be true to your own heart.

It’s a funny day for me. We buried my brother on Valentine’s Day. It seemed like a good idea at the time. It was.

Valentine’s day. Such a mixed bag of emotions. Even after all this time.

As a kid, I always got a Valentine’s card. Then, over the years I started to recognise the scrawled handwriting as my Mum’s. Bit of a no-no as a teenager.

Toyed with the idea of not buying into it this year. Glad I did though. Love my ‘lil family.

Happy Valentine’s to you all.

More Random Acts of Kindness

As part of a community project before Christmas I took part in sending a shoe box filled with goodies for a teenage Romanian boy.

By the time I saw the message, ALL the teensy girls had been snapped up. Drat I thought knowing my little girl would be disappointed.

The box sat on the window sill for ages. A little empty. And sad. My partner kept on saying ” you know you’ve still got the box to fill.”

I was fully aware.

But what would a teenage boy in Romania like? Or need. More to the point.

Slowly but surely between us – as a family – we filled the box. Hat. Scarf. Long-sleeved top. Am desperately trying to remember what we put in the box now. This isn’t The Generation Game you know. Or is it?

This generation. Our generation of kids get pretty much all they want. New bike. Scooter. You name it. They have it.

The kids that received the shoe boxes. Pretty much have nothing. Very little.

It is really hard for us to grasp that concept and level of poverty.

It isn’t our experience.

We excitedly delivered our shoe box to our neighbour to be sent off to Romania

Phew. I hope he likes it I said to my little person. We put a torch in, I said. Rather absent mindlessly to the lady we delivered it to.

We carried on ticking off “important stuff to do” off our Christmas list. Christmas box delivered. Tick.

Forgot about the box. Forgot about the children in Romania. We carried on with our Christmas. Very nice, thank you. You?

Until this landed in my Face Book inbox late last night….

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It is one of the most moving things I have ever seen.

My neighbour messaged me. Did you see him with the torch? I had to watch it again, of course.

Random Acts of Kindness.

It was an amazing opportunity to be able to have a really small part in touching these children’s lives in this way. The true wonder of Christmas.

Have an incredibly happy, healthy & fortuitous 2013.

Have you Kick Started 2013?

A parent called me on Sunday morning worried about his son’s wheezing.

I got into conversation and found myself saying ‘the key has to be consistency.’ I was talking about treatment for his son.

Motto for 2013. If ever. there was one.

I then found myself attempting to explain ‘consistency’ to my 5 year old. She got it!

Somehow, as adults. We forget. The simple stuff.

It’s quite easy. The Key to any success has to be consistency .

You do it. You do it again. You get better. Or not.

Kick start. Or kicks tarted? No. Kick start your programme. Just do it. Whatever it is. just do it

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If you need assistance with your programme, acupuncture can assist you to get going and keep you on the right track.

Perfectionism standing in your way?

My daughter drew some beautiful pink tulips or choolips as she wrote. I turned my back for a few seconds and when I turned back, she was screwing the paper up protesting that she had messed it up by writing her name too big.

Ok, she’s four but already placing judgements on her work and wanting it to be the best that it can be. Regardless of age isn’t that what we all want?

A few weeks ago I fell into the same trap, believing I should be better than I am. My partner commented by saying rather profoundly I thought…

Do you realise you’re perfect just as you are?

Just as I am? *Gulp* Warts ‘n all.
Ok. I found it hard to accept that.

I guess regardless of who we are or what we do… At times, we can be [very] hard on ourselves. These are competitive times. Economically – these are even tougher times.

If I don’t go easy on me; chances are nobody else will either. I am resisting the urge to type a down-turned non smiley face here.

Go ahead and cut yourself some slack. Give yourself permission. We are all doing the best that we can do. Right..?

I know it’s hard to swallow sometimes.

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Vaccinating our children ~ is it our choice?

A friend, fellow acupuncturist and new Mum visited me recently. We talked about becoming Mums and the emotive topic of vaccination. I asked her if she would be a guest on my blog and write about her experiences.
She has happily obliged….

Whilst I was pregnant I did all I could to keep healthy, relaxed and happy, benefitting me and our baby girl. We had a hypnobirthing, natural, home water birth, all that I had hoped for! I was determined not to give my birthing power and experience over to the hospital, and to welcome our baby calmly at home. So, our beautiful, perfect girl was finally here, and we were thrust into the system of appointments, weighing, tests etc that are all normal to newborns and mums.

Jeez it was a lot, and looking back, I was tired and vulnerable. When the appointment card arrived in the post for her first lot of vaccinations, we went along with it. Even though I’m a holistic therapist and don’t agree with this practice. I still did it!! Literally as she had the five diseases injected into her thighs, I cried, I couldn’t get her quick enough to nurse her. It felt so wrong to my core, but I woke up, and said, no more. You know a baby has 18 injections given to them in the UK before the age of 3!

Luckily I have a fab friend who has decided not to vaccinate her two children, and got me onto the arnicanetwork.org. I’m pleased to say I’m involved with starting a support group in my area. There were 4 of us at the first meeting, and we shared differing experiences relating to our children’s health. The arnica group is to support parents CHOICES in health and natural immunity for our kids. I think as with most things in life, we need to find others that share our views and choices, and who allow us to learn and grow. I really feel this group is a wonderful forum to allow this.

The biggest shock for me is what the vaccines contain, I really think most parents and health professionals don’t even know. Certainly if you are vegan, these are not for you… Most shockingly these drugs are not tested. It would cost billions to properly research this, and would surely be an ethical minefield. This to me is the biggest decision maker. It’s a very hard decision, and I believe all parents should have all the information freely available to make this choice about their children’s future. One last thing…. Surgeries’ budgets are dependant on a high uptake of vaccines, food for thought…

For more detailed information on vaccinating go to www.vaccineriskawareness.com

I would like to thank Charlotte for writing this piece. Her experience as a newbie Mum is invaluable and she expresses well, the difficulties and challenges faced by new parents in today’s society. Making decisions for our children is part of everyday life. Big decisions around vaccinations need to be researched. There is pressure to vaccinate within the medical system. Know that you have a choice and there is support out there to support your decision. Ultimately you make the decision that is right for you and your baby which is all that matters.

Has this article been useful to you? What issues would you like to hear more about?

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